A few years ago, a dean told me about an incident in his seminary. It was chapel time. The worship PPT was flashed up and a naked lady appeared on the screen. Everybody gasped. The student had accidentally tapped into his hidden database. This was in an evangelical seminary.

More than a decade ago, Dr Ted Roberts surveyed an American Protestant denomination and shockingly discovered that between 21 to 29 percent of that denomination’s pastors suffered from some form of sexual addiction.

What is wrong with sex?

Nothing. The Bible has a high view of sex. It devotes a whole book in the Old Testament to describing the joy of sex – Song of Songs. In the New Testament, Paul used the ‘one flesh’ (sex) analogy to portray the intimacy between Christ and His bride, the church. But in the 21st century, we have mistakenly confused holy sex with her cousin, unholy lust.

What is lust?

Simply put, lust is our quest for sexual pleasure without loving commitment. It is the desire to take without giving. It centres on my desire without regard for the well-being of another. The journey of lust starts first in the heart, usually unintentionally. It may be out of curiosity that one first peeps at a copy of Playboy or a pornographic website, or perhaps it results from a moment of indiscretion when one is feeling lonely on an extended business trip. Jesus describes the origin of lust in Mk 7:21-23 “For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, …. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”

As Jesus said, once lust is awakened in our hearts it has a defiling power way beyond our expectations. King David fell under its power as lust progressed from being a sin of the eyes (peeping Tom on the roof), to adultery, to scheming falsehood, and finally to murder.

Once lust gets started it has a strong grip on us. One author describes it appropriately as a ‘hangman’s noose’. Once a hangman’s noose is pulled over your neck, the more you try to pull away, the more it tightens, until finally it chokes you and you die from hanging.

Look at the following common testimony from a brother:

“I dabbled in porn. When I tried to break free, I scored some quick wins and stopped for a while. But after a brief moment of peace, it came back to haunt me in a much more powerful way. When lust returned, she brought along her cousin, shame. Shame had the power to keep my struggles hidden from others. And after I failed a few more times, despair was born and I gave up.”

The brother described lust’s hangman’s noose as having three interlocking knots! Lust always works hand in hand with shame and despair to claim her choking grip over her victim.

Lust’s power comes from her lie that we can experience sexual fulfilment without loving the other person. Sadly, many Christians have fallen under her spell.

Consider the testimony of the pastor below:

“I was taught all along that I couldn’t have intercourse before marriage, so before marriage I squashed all my sexual urges. But after marriage, all the rules fell away and life became a sexual free-for-all. As long as it was with my wife, I could gratify my desire whenever and however I wanted.”

This pastor believed that marriage is a licence for unrestrained sex and that he could be sexually fulfilled in marriage without love. He fell victim to the lie of lust. Today, the pastor is divorced.

So how do we break the power of lust in our lives?

Saint Augustine was a sex addict: he tried to break free and failed numerous times. One day God gave him a clue by asking him an illuminating question: “Why are you relying on yourself, only to find yourself unreliable?” The truth is that one cannot break the power of lust by oneself. It is only in the community of Christ that the potential answer can be found.

CS Lewis articulated another clue: “Love is the great conqueror of lust.” To fight against lust, a computer filter programme alone will probably do very little. The real armour against lust lies in building relationships that allow you to give and receive love in a healthy way because you are anchored in the love of God.

I am sorry that in this short space, I can only give a teaser into the topic of un-wholly sex. To allow us to dig deeper, two great opportunities are coming up. I would encourage you to take advantage of them.

‘Wholly Sex’ is a BTS seminar in September offered by one of the best speakers on the topic in Singapore – Rev Ben Lee, Senior Pastor of RiverLife Church. Please see the poster below or click the following link to find out more.

Baptist Men’s Ministry (BMM) serving under Singapore Baptist Convention is also organising ‘Manhood Journey Together’, a 2 day-1 night retreat for men to build safe friendships in order to examine men’s issues (including sex) in a fruitful light. You can click the following link to register.

Rev Peter Lin
President